"Will power" my arse - How men are not superior

I'm not sure about other relationships but ours is a constant battle ground of proving who is more intelligent, who cooks the best food, who is the best at mindless trivia, who empties the dishwasher the most, who changes the cat litter and who has the most will power.

To be fair my husband probably tops me at most of this but nothing surprised me more than my husbands recent demise at completing a 3 week detox programme.

It sucks to be pregnant sometimes

OK, I've had enough now...can we fast forward 7 months where I get to hold the pink, smiley, thing that smells of "baby" and that will coo and chirp at me.

Yeah I know I'm dreaming, but for anyone else wondering what it really feels like to be 11 weeks pregnant:

1. You can't decide if the small podge on your waist is the start of a baby bump or simply chocolate biscuits. Either way your clothes are getting tight and uncomfortable
2. You can just about function in a vertical position for 2 hours, then you need to recharge. You've lost all of your Duracell abilities and are forced to re-hydrate, on not much more than water, and of course, chocolate biscuits, in an attempt to carry on with your day
3. Your mood swings are more apparent than schizophrenia
4. You work calendar is impossible to manage around your strange and unpredictable urges to either pee or stuff your face (normally with chocolate biscuits). I had to excuse myself the other day from a management meeting to inhale a chocolate brownie, it suddenly became a life and death situation, it was the brownie or my baby was going to start eating me from the inside out
5. You feel like a walking multi zone wine fridge, only you can't keep each zone at the right temperature. Your head will suddenly seem too hot, whilst your feet are freezing and then all of a sudden your feet start jumping around with irritable leg syndrome whilst your shoulders start shivering
6. Your favorite food has become the enemy, giving you at best only "wind" but at worst, nights full of heartburn and sicky burps
7. Your dreams have turned from nothing important, or memorable, into Brad Pitt orgies in birthing pools, with Brad Pitt holding the poop scoop
8. A conversation with anyone about your woe's is impossible because your friends without babies don't understand, your friends that are trying for babies are envious and your friends with babies can only remember the "baby smell" and "how it's all worth it"
9. Your husband can't associate with your problems because you don't look pregnant and he still thinks that life will be a bunch of roses and that nothing will change when the baby arrives
10. And your brain has just started the process of turning to mush, so you may have already forgotten what you read at the start of this post

Anyway, nothing I can do about it now, I got myself into this and hopefully my baby will come out of it (as it were). But I will happily admit that I don't think I'm going to be good at this pregnancy malarky...

TIT - King Bhumibol the Great

My husband first taught me the meditative technique of quietly repeating the word "TIT" to yourself over and over again.

It stands for "This is Thailand" and is sometimes the only way you can explain things here when all common sense seems to have evaporated, or may not have existed in the first place.

Tonight I am sitting at home praying to the internet god for his wonderful ability to send me internet television in Thailand.

It is a sad time in Thailand as we have lost the very dear father of the nation, Bhumibol Adulyadej, known as King Bhumibol the Great. He is so revered that it has hit the nation incredibly hard and we have started 1 year of official mourning, where Thai TV has banned all "entertainment shows", and we have to wear black for the foreseeable future.

Selfishly, up there in some of my first thoughts, was how on earth will I cope with my growing baby bump with only 3 black work dresses, 2 black maxi dresses and 2 black cocktail dresses in my wardrobe, and what if I can't find black maternity clothes in Thailand???!!! 

I then panicked about what television I would be able to watch whilst I'm lying on the sofa trying not to vomit most nights.

I havent solved the clothing dilemma yet, but thankfully we do have internet television with some channels that do not seem to be affected by the entertainment blockade.

All our thoughts are with our Thai friends and colleagues, the King was a great inspiration for the Country and will be truly missed.