TIT – It takes more than two to Tango in Thailand

and how to improve your “Lead” dancer

It seems like a no brainer to say that you and your partner need to be pulling in the same direction when you are trying to conceive, but it is so true. If you are both fully committed it makes decisions so much easier and instinctive, and there is typically a lot less nagging!

It took us over 1 year to conceive with an egg that has decided to hang around for longer than 11 weeks gestation (am now 27 weeks pregnant, all fingers and toes crossed!) so we have had our ups and downs – namely with 3 miscarriages along the way.

In some ways we felt lucky as we knew we could conceive easily, but that didn’t make is any easier without answers as to why we weren’t staying pregnant. Was it the quality of my eggs, am I getting too old, was I doing something wrong during the pregnancies, did either of us have any underlying problems? The list of questions you ask yourself is endless and the stress you can put on yourselves is boundless and throughout all of this I was in danger of becoming a complete bitch. I began to focus the questions more and more on myself, and the stress more and more on my husband.

But becoming a bitch wasn’t going to get us pregnant, so I refused to give in to it and kept looking for ways to work as a team and tango our most perfect tango in total harmony.

Here is my To Do List of things to try to help you and your partner stay on the same page, stay focused (and to avoid ‘the bitch’ at all costs):

1) If you can get yourself some help with any of life’s other chores do it!
Whether it is someone just to iron the shirts, or an agreement to have take away once a week, take some pressure off by getting some help. This is why I say it takes more than two to tango in Thailand in particular. Its not always easy to live here, just finding the groceries you want in the supermarket can be a mission, and don’t even get me started on the first time I tried to buy washing powder (if you’ve been there you will know what I mean, I think the utility room floor is still sticky from soap suds!). I suggest getting yourself some home help as soon as possible, it doesn’t have to be a full time maid, just a few hours each week to help with some cleaning and ironing and you will feel the relief I promise. It is such a normal thing to do here, and yet such a luxury for most women to have in the UK, but do it, you won’t regret spending the baht it will cost you.

2) Things can feel very ‘practical’ when you are TTC and getting down to action loses its spark, its spontaneity and even its fun sometimes, especially if you have been trying for a while. Whilst I hesitate to suggest this, as I strongly believe it isn’t all down to the woman to be alluring, it does help to make sure that ‘you’, as a woman, feel attractive, and it’s a double bonus if you get his juices flowing without the need to nag. So I recommend investing in a couple of “let’s get it on” nighties or outfits (whatever works for you), and a dab of lippy and perfume. It should work much better than nagging him to turn the telly off and it has the added bonus of making you feel special too. Of course this works both ways, there is nothing to stop him from paying a little extra attention to his attire and bodily appearance too! 

3) I am not aware of any true support networks for TTC in Thailand and the doctors provide little to no advice on how to conceive (unless you are paying for IVF of course). I know we all know the basics but there is a little more to it sometimes, so I recommend downloading an app on your phone to (a) get a little more informed about your cycle and (b) get you connected to other people in a similar situation. You will feel instantly more motivated and more in control, I promise. 

I have tried and tested quite a few ovulation and TTC apps, and you can find many free apps on your phone - but there is one that stood out for me - Glow Ovulation & Fertility Tracker and the reason it stood out for me is the importance of point 3 

4) Empower your partner. The Glow App allows you to connect with your partner so that they also know the best days for TTC. This means that you simply don’t have to nag! It removes the need to talk about “date night”, “steak night”, “sushi night”, “DDay” whatever you call it, because he already knows, his phone has literally reminded him to get jiggy with it. This was a revelation for us, with my hubby almost turning the tables on me and nagging me about my work and social diary – he suddenly got it. He got the fact that it really is a limited window, that we really were trying for a miracle and that we really really really did need to be in the same place at the same time on those limited, special days 

and because hubby was now empowered he took another very special leap 

5) He booked us a babymakecation. It was only just down the road for 1 night but it was the thought that counted so much! I packed my “let’s get it on” nightie, I didn’t nag once and I genuinely, and whole heartedly, adored him on that weekend, because he had taken the “Lead” and we Tangoed all the better for it.

And the result – there is a likelihood that we fell pregnant with this very baby on that babymakecation, booked after I had empowered hubby with the Glow app, the one that he booked all on his own, with no nagging or input from me.

Of course, the fact that we got pregnant that month is pure coincidence, but what a nice coincidence!