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Sunday, 1 January 2017

Baby Bitters

I've been there, I really have, I understand it is hard to see posts on Facebook about people having babies and cutesy families sitting around the Christmas tree looking like idiots in Christmas jumpers. But please can we stop with the new mum bashing!

All I read on my twitter feed at the moment is from families TTC, that have endured too many happy family Facebook posts and family dinners, and are now sounding just plain bitter.

We suffered 3 miscarriages and it took us 17 months before I conceived with a egg that has decided to hang around longer than 11 weeks (I am now 21 weeks and 5 days). 

During this time I saw countless posts on Facebook about happy couples and families, with their smug smiles and cute baby grows, I went to weddings of pregnant couples, shared joy through gritted teeth with friends and family over new arrivals, endured two birthday parties trying not to get heinously drunk in case I was pregnant (those bloody awful two weeks waits) and even harder was enduring a dry Christmas (before we lost our second angel) and I cried into many mugs of decaf coffee.

I've been caffeine and alcohol restricted for nearly two years, am still petrified that something will go wrong, deal with the complexities of a health service in a 'developing' country and my family are 9,442 miles away, and yet I have never ever felt bitter towards anyone that is at a different stage on this journey than me, a more advanced stage lets say.

Maybe it's because I know it can all too easily be snatched away from you, maybe it's because I can see that mother hood will not a bed of roses. 

Sure it may look like it on the surface when you go visit your cute little niece or nephew, but behind the scenes that mum has been shovelling a lot of horse s*&^ because of that one little rose, has been wiping eyes, noses and mouths covered in cuckoo spit, has been whispering endless amounts of B*& S*&^ into tiny ears in a vain attempt to ensure the next generation has a chance in hell of having more brains and doing a better job than we have so far, has been on constant vigil for each and every frost that might strike that little rose down with a chill or virus, has sore hands and brittle nails from constant pruning and aching and back and knees.

For frig sake, to the bitter ladies out there, give new mums, and mums-to-be a break.

They haven't had an easy life to get where they are either, they probably know more about your struggle than they let on (we know the miscarriage statistics), they are probably bloody knackered and probably can't understand why you won't offer to babysit or go over for a coffee to give them a break, a chance to have some grown up conversation, a chance to talk and try to help you, a chance to show you real life on the other side.

They are not being insensitive when they post pictures of their babies, they are just getting on with life, and trying to photoshop out the baby puck in their hair, stretch marks and bags under their eyes. 

They haven't forgotten what you are going through, but just like you can't think much past what is encompassing your world right now (TTC I assume), their baby is consuming their world...understand that, understand how similar you are by being insular in your own worlds.

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